"I find myself wondering again and again what it would be like actually to live every moment of one's life with an awareness of God..." D. Allen

February 24, 2012

Practically Speaking: Wrestling Sunrise Doubts

This is a picture of a Smoky Mountain sunrise. Not long ago, I wouldn't have recognized such abnormality, because I most definitely am not a morning person. When my sweet husband began going to work at 5:30AM each day (the middle of the night, I'm thinking), I felt this guilty tug when I didn't hit the ground running with him. Then, I realized a few other fears:
  • Will I die if I get up that early?
  • What happens if I finish my to-do list? 
  • How will it feel to wait three hours before little feet hit the floor?
  • How early will I have to go to bed in the evening?
  • What if I start inventing jobs just to be "busy"?

Bottom line: why NOT get up at 5:30AM?

Granted, I don't get up that early every day. Striving for faithfulness, not perfection. But now that I'm wrestling with these fears, I'm finding it to be very good. This weird season of having little heavy stress and wide spans of open time has revealed a lot of unsettled peace that I've needed to hash. Its good to wrestle. First thing in the morning. God is very now-here, in this very moment, even when it is so quiet I'm a little lost and wandering.